Money (not) well spent

So this is a picture of the pants to a $700 suit I recently bought. What's the white you're seeing? That would be the size of the split in the butt that occured when I sat down in my car after my Improv Comedy school Christmas party. Do you see the irony in splitting my pants wide open after spending an evening at a comedy club? Needless to say, these will be going back to Nordstroms ASAP.